i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
