Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize