lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
