Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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