u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
