When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
