Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
