I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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