I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
