I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
