No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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