I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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