maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize