She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
