Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize