i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize