i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ugly people sure do ruin things
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
