i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
