There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
