Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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