After last night, I could never be a politician.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
