i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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