can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
