omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bring me that man meat
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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