evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there's paper in my vomit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize