Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just high enough for therapy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
