I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize