Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
