Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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