Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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