Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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