you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize