His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
