just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well you can't waste a boner
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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