Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
