Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
