lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
