yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I understand Curling. That high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
