i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
