good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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