Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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