Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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