I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
