So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
did i walk over a car last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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