And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
