so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize