I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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