Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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