Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
