This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize