it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
