Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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