we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
