Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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