I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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