hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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