And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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