but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize