I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My penis needs a shock collar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
