I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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