Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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