There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
