And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
