I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
