At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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