I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
