i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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